my bosses' wives threw a baby shower for me at the stoneleigh last weekend, and it was the stuff of feverishly shared pinterest boards- beautiful, detailed, thoughtful, no expense spared. amy, my eternal ride-or-die, flew down from nyc just to attend (and took these gorgeous photos, at my annoying behest). the experience of being pregnant has been synonymous with the experience of feeling deeply humbled by the enthusiasm, generosity, and love of my friends, family, and colleagues. everyone is so happy for me and ian, so excited to meet this little dude of ours. i hope he lives up to the warm and wonderful reception that has already preceded his birth, that he emulates the loving thoughtfulness of the people in his life. if he grows up and becomes a total loser posturing about men's rights or pickup artistry i'm gonna be in his face like "look at these baby shower pictures you fuckin' dork, jessica east- an actual angel- spent an entire thursday evening perfecting several iterations of a blueberry lemonade recipe just to celebrate your impending arrival on earth and this is what you chose to do with your life."
less than six weeks left now. shit is getting way too real. little j's nursery closet is fully stocked, thanks to our dear friends. he also has an eames-inspired travel system that is already more expensive than anything his father owns, a changing pad that's smarter than his furry siblings, and a lightweight travel crib that guarantees his second home will be a medical clinic what's constantly blasting trap music. but all the gadgets in the world couldn't make me feel ready for the scope of responsibilities that lie in waiting just around the corner. a whole person! that we made.
i remember the first time i played pokemon blue, when my squirtle grew to level 8 and learned bubble. i was in sixth grade and round-eyed with the joy of growing and training something. i amassed a collection of tamagotchis and promptly neglected them all to die in waves of their own pixelated feces. i thought maybe i could grow up and become a mother. i thought a lot more about cute boys i wanted to marry. and i guess here i am now, married to the cutest one of them all, sometimes having nightmares about losing my baby in a laundry hamper.
i'm 85% of the way through this pregnancy, and still feeling great, still at work every day scooting up and down the hallways scolding people. i walk with a distinct lordosis, though my belly has yet to protrude crazily. it's there and i AM still slowly evolving into a final oblong form, but it hasn't reached an intensely distended, sentient presence. no one guesses that i am nearly 8 months pregnant; they say things like you're still so tiny! and you are glowing! and i know they are pharmaceutical reps trying to garner more goodwill with my clinic but i am still real pleased with myself and unloading ever more layers of highlighter onto my sweaty face.
tomorrow, ian and i will attend a tour of the hospital's maternity ward. my only concept of what it's like to give birth in a hospital stems from like, two episodes of friends and one episode of sex and the city, so i'm eager to preview what my own experience will actually be like. super excited to start packing a hospital bag and teaching ian which lenses to use for photographing the birthing process (from the business end only, not some national geographic real shit photojournalism). people ask me if i am nervous about the impending agony of labor pains. i am actually more nervous that i will forget to bring my urban decay setting spray.